If Only
by NALEY23alwaysforever
Summary: One Shot for now, may be three chapters max. How I would've like the storyline to go if nadia was ALIVE! LinsteadxNadia mainly. Requested Story.
1. If Only

IF ONLY

 **A/N: So, I was asked by to write a one shot by PLLFan865 in which Nadia is alive. This will still include a bit of Linstead but I can't not write them in when I write any story, it's just physically not possible for me! And yes, I did use Stella's last name as the victim's because I couldn't think of one :P I hope you enjoy it!**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything from Chicago P.D no matter how much I wish I did.**

Jay held onto Erin as she sobbed in his arms. They had found another body. Yates had confessed to having a 'sacred place' in which he kept the bodies. They had wondered through the woods for hours before they found her.

He held her tight as she cried into his chest, but not in pain, or grief, or sadness.

It was relief.

The girl they had found, wasn't Nadia.

There was still hope.

Jay looked at the girl, who they had identified as Jessica Maeve. Yates must have picked her up on his way from Chicago. The only question now was where is Nadia? They knew she was somewhere around here. Yates had all but admitted it in Rollins psychoanalysis interrogation. Jay let Erin move away from him, still holding onto her forearms.

"You ok?" He questioned, moving one hand up to her cheek feeling her relax at his touch.  
"I will be when we find her" she replied, but he could already see the light in her eyes, the brightness of her face, how her entire body stood up, more aware. She had more hope now.

She looked up and gave him a small smile, which he gladly returned as he wiped the last few tears from her eyres.

Their moment was broken as Antonio ran up to them "GUYS! GET OVER HERE!" His tone of voice cause Erin and Jay to pick up their pace as they ran to follow him further into the woods.

They had walked about 20 kilometres before they reached it. A run-down little shed, holes in the roof, one of the windows broken. And that's when Erin saw her.

Nadia.

Wrapped up in a blanket, clutching onto Antonio as he held her tight. Nadia let go of Antonio when she saw Erin and ran towards her friend.

She launched into Erin's arms and cried as Erin hugged her, clutching onto her for dear life.  
"I'm so sorry" Erin whispered.  
"It's not your fault" Nadia replied "I knew you'd find me, I told him you'd find me"  
Erin smiled as she felt tears prick her eyes. She looked up at Jay as she felt his hand touch her back, his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. 

Erin cried into Nadia's shoulder, letting the stress and worry of the day melt away as she held her friend in her arms "I love you Nads, I'd never give up looking for you"  
Nadia chuckled softly at the statement "I know. I love you too Er" she replied.

They let go of each other, and Nadia stepped into jay's arms  
"I knew you'd miss me Detective" She chuckled into his chest  
"Next time Nads, I'm getting the cake" He replied as he smiled down at the young girl  
He reached out one of his arms to allow Erin to join in their hug.

The three person hug soon grew as Antonio, Voight, Olivia, Rollins and Amaro all wrapped their arms around the trio.

….

Erin sat on her couch, resisting the temptation of sleep. Nadia lay on the couch, her head resting in Erin's lap as she gently stroked her fingers through the girl's hair. She couldn't believe she was back in Chicago, in her home, with Nadia, alive.

She looked down at the girl and smiled. She had slowly become her best friends, her sister. She didn't know what she'd have done if it had been her in that shallow grave on the beach. She was just thankful they made it in time to save Nadia.

Yates was found guilty of the rapes and murder of Jessica Maeve. He had stupidly decided to represent himself, which bit him in the ass when he saw the pictures of Jessica in the morgue, and lost it when questioning the doctor who was assigned to Jessica. He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

Erin was broken out of her thoughts at the gentle knock on the door. She gently lifted Nadia's head off her lap and placed her back on the couch, draping the blanket from the back of the couch over her small body and making her way to the door.

She opened the door in time to see her partner, holding a bag of Take out in one hand, and his other hand was reaching up to insert a key into her door. She simply raised an eyebrow and smirked at Jay  
"Um..I…You weren't answering the door, so I thought you might be asleep. I wasn't going to use the key but I didn't really feel like driving back to my house, plus..I thought…you might need me" He stammered through his explanation, to which Erin couldn't help but giggle.

She stepped to the side and opened the door further inviting him in, but he just stood there staring at her.  
"Halstead" She spoke, thinking he wasn't listening  
"We almost lost her today" He said looking into her eyes  
Erin nodded her head solemnly "I know"  
"We almost lost her, and we almost lost you" He continued "I don't think I could handle it if I lost both of you. She's like family to me an you…well, you know how much you mean to me"

Erin stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind her as Jay put down the items in his hands. Where was he going with this?  
"Jay, what's-"  
"I love you" He interrupted "And I tried. I tried not to be, but I can't, and it sucks, because I know that there's Voight, and I know we weren't even at that stage but, I love you. And I needed you to know" he took a deep breath as he stepped closer to her "I almost lost you today. Had we lost Nadia, you would've gone down the rabbit hole and we both know it. I would've lost both of you, and I don't think I could live with that. I already lost you once and I can't lose you again" He spoke as he took her hand.

She placed her free hand against his cheek as she whispered "You didn't lose me. I was always here, I just…I was scared. I didn't want Voight to think anything was still going on , but it doesn't matter anymore. I refuse to keep missing out on the things that are right in front of me"

She leaned in and kissed him, running her hands through his hair as his hands went to her waist and back, running up and down her shirt. They broke apart, foreheads resting against each-others, taking in large gulps of air.

"I love you too" she smiled as she kissed him quickly once more. He smiled against her lips as he held her flush against him. He pulled back and bent down to grab the bag of food  
"I got your favourite, come on" He led them back inside the apartment and Erin sat down with her at the kitchen bench, while Jay moved around the kitchen, collecting plates, utensils and glasses.

Erin smirked "You certainly know your way around my kitchen Mr. Halstead"  
Jay smiled back at her "Would you rather I knew my way around some other girl's kitchen?" He retorted.  
Erin glared at him "No, thank you"  
Jay chuckled and walked around the bench and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her forehead "You're the only one whose kitchen I want to know my way around, you're my girl Erin Lindsay. Even if no one else knows it"

Erin looked up at him as she wrapped her arms around his neck "Well" she draw out "what if, everyone did know?"  
"everyone?" Jay asked, addressing the underlying question of _including Voight?  
_ She smiled back at him "Everyone. I'm your girl Jay Halstead, and I don't care who knows it" he leaned in to kiss her but were stopped short

"Aww how cute" Nadia joked as she stepped into the kitchen. Jay groaned into Erin's shoulder as she chuckled "Sorry nads, did we wake you?" She asked  
"nah, I didn't really feel like sleeping" she replied  
"Well in that case, I have something for you" Erin said as she reached in their fruit bowl – which was really a mail holder – and plucked out a letter for her "This was sent yesterday, from the Police Commission"

Nadia looked at them both nervously as she took the letter from Erin "I don't know If I want to open it. What if they reject me?" She asked  
"They'd be making the biggest mistake of their lives" Jay answered. Nadia smiled and, taking a deep breath, opened the letter and read through it. She loked up with a broad smile on her face  
"I got in!" she jumped up and down as Erin and Jay both engulfed her in a hug.

"Congrats Nadia" Jay spoke  
"What he said" Erin laughed as they broke from their embrace "Oh, we have to celebrate!"  
"Well, I didn't cancel you birthday party so we can just do it then" Nadia smiled sweetly as Erin groaned  
"Nadia…I really don't feel like celebrating my birthday after everything that's happened"

"And why not?" nadia argued "after everything that's happened, why not celebrate? Your birthday, me not dying, getting to be cop. Erin, if there's one thing this all taught me it's that we should appreciate every moment, big or small. Please?" nadia said, putting slightly. Jay chuckled  
"Come on Er, how can you say no?" he argued

Erin sighed "Fine, but nothing too big!"  
Nadia smiled "Of course! Now, can we please eat? I'm starving!" she exclaimed as she grabbed a container of food. Erin chuckled as she sat down in between Jay and Nadia.  
"I swear, she's more our kid then our colleague" she joked looking at Nadia, who was currently stuffing her face with food. Jay chuckled as he put an arm around Erin.

He smiled as he watched Nadia and Erin converse, discussing her being a Chicago police officer of the 21st district. He knew that wherever Erin went, so did Nadia and vice versa. They were a packaged deal, and he had no problem with that. Nadia and Erin were his girls, his family.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.

 **A/N: OK! So, that is the end of this one shot! Just over 1890 words! I hope you liked it, I really wish Nadia was still alive :(  
I'm so excited for the finale of CPD though! Please leave your thoughts on this in a review, I might consider doing a second or even third chapter of this about Linstead and Nadia, with Nadia's first day, and maybe her graduating the academy? I'm not entirely sure yet, but it's an idea :)**

 **PLEASE LEAVE YOUR REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!  
**

**Maddie :)**


	2. Moving On and Graduating Up

**A/N: Hey CPD readers! I have finally done a second chapter for this :) I got a few reviews recently and people wanted to see Nadia deal with the things that happened to her with Yates. While that was always my plan, I would like to point out that she was not treated like she was in the show. In this story, it's slightly less aggressive (for lack of a better word)**

 **Enjoy!**

 **If Only: Chapter 2 - Moving On and Graduating Up**

Nadia sat at the both in Molly's, nursing a beer as she listened to Erin recount her and Nadia's recent trip to Wisconsin. It had been eight months since Yates had kidnapped and assaulted her, and she was doing well. Although it hadn't been that easy at first. Nadia had not been coping well with what had happened to her, which Erin and Jay had confronted her about.

….

" _I told you, I'm fine" Nadia grumbled as she moved towards her bedroom, only to be stopped by Erin holding her arm_

" _Nads come on, you're not dealing with this. just let us help you" Erin replied, her eyes softening as well as her grip on the younger girl's arm._

" _Nadia, we're only doing this out of concern" Jay added in "We know you've been through a lot, more than we could imagine, but we just want you to let us in"_

 _Nadia sighed as a tear escaped her eye "I'm sorry" she whispered as Erin and Jay both wrapped their arms around her on either side._

" _There's nothing to apologise for dimples" Jay whispered in her ear, earning a small chuckle at his nickname for Nadia._

 _Erin led them to the couch, so they could all sit before talking. "Talk to us Nadia, we know you're not coping. I've heard you crying in your bed at night, but every time I ask you about it, you tell me nothing's wrong. Why?" Erin asked_

 _Nadia looked down at her hands, lacing and un-lacing her fingers together as she thought about her reply. "I really thought that it would go away. the nightmares, jumping out of my skin at every sudden noise I hear, getting up in the middle of the night to check the door's still locked because my imagination keeps hearing things. I thought that if I just ignored it, that if I could just pretend with everyone that I was ok, that one day I wouldn't be pretending anymore."_

" _But it didn't work" Jay answered._

" _No, no it didn't. If anything I feel like it got worse"_

 _Jay looked at her and sighed "is the problem us? do you not want to talk to us about it?" Nadia nodded slightly "I just…I don't want to have to relive everything, and I know that it would hurt you guys to listen to what happened. I saw the pain in your eyes when I had to give my statement to Voight, and during the trial in New York as well. I didn't want to put you through any more pain"_

 _Erin sighed as she held Nadia tight. She and Jay had talked about that possibility earlier, and had come up with alternatives in case. She bent down and picked up the pamphlets from under the coffee table, placing them in Nadia's lap. "These are trauma counsellors, and therapists. There are also group meetings, kind of like the AA and NA meetings we did. We can pick one of these, that way you can work through all your feelings, and you don't have to worry about what we might hear, it's all confidential" Erin explained "You won't have to tell us anything unless you want to, I promise"_

 _Nadia smiled "Can i look them over and let you know in the morning? It's getting late, I'd kind of just like to go to sleep" She chuckled. Erin and Jay nodded in understanding as they watched Nadia walk towards her room, she stopped short at the doorway and turned around._

" _Thank you guys, I feel so blessed to have you two in my corner. I don't know what I'd do without you"  
"You won't ever have to find out. We're not going anywhere" Jay stated confidently as Erin nodded in agreement._

…

That was five months ago. Now here they all sat, celebrating Nadia having graduated from the Academy. She couldn't believe this day had finally come. She was proud of how far she had come from those first few weeks.

Nadia had been speaking to a counselor, one who Jay had seen after he came back from his last tour in Afghanistan, during which he and Mouse had lost a friend.

 _Mouse._  
Nadia smiled as she saw the young man smile at her from across the bar. She felt giddy, like a love struck teenager. She had yet to make a move. She knew she liked Mouse, but she wanted to get herself together before she got into any sort of relationship.

Erin looked over at Nadia and smirked. She was absolutely love-struck. She gently jabbed her elbow into Jay's side, and motioned her head towards Nadia, and then Mouse. He let out a soft chuckle as he saw the two, their eyes staying locked on each other for longer than normal.

He stood up, announcing he was going to get a beer, and made his way over to his best friend.

"Hey bud" He spoke as he ordered a beer. Mouse looked at him skeptically.  
"Cut the crap Jay, you only ever call me bud when you want to give me some sage advice" He chuckled as Jay nodded in agreement "See? I know you too well. Now what's up?"

Jay smiled "Why haven't you asked her out?" Mouse looked confused "Who"  
"Nadia"  
"Ohhhh" Mouse clued in.

"Yeah" Jay chuckled "We can all clearly see that you're into each other. Plus, now that Voight's let go of his whole interhouse romance rules, there's nothing stopping you. So?"

Mouse sighed "I just don't want to push her. I know she's been through a lot the past couple months, and we have a really great friendship. I just don't want to ruin it"

Jay clapped his hand against Mouse's back "Dude, not to be rude, but grow some damn balls man! She likes you, just go for it. the worst that could happen is she says no, and you guys just stay friends" Jay rationalised.

Mouse nodded his head, then let out an audible cough, causing Jay to turn his head in time to see Nadia coming towards the bar. Jay turned and made his way to Erin and the group, winking as Nadia walked past him.

"Hey" Erin said as Jay sat back down. She leaned in and kissed his cheek "Hey yourself" he smiled  
"So boyfriend, I've missed you" She smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair.

Jay's smile brightened at hearing Erin speak "You're really liking calling me that huh? Boyfriend"  
Erin smirked "Well of course, it took a long time for us to finally be able to be together, in public, and I want everyone to know. I finally get to have a normal relationship. It's kinda nice" She smiled.

Jay chuckled "I can't believe Voight actually gave his permission, although you made it kind of hard for him after you threatened for BOTH of us to quit"

"Oh my god, I can't believe I got that worked up. Hank looked at me like I had two heads or something. He'd never heard me talk about a guy like that before" Jay smiled "You must've really loved me hey?"

" _You can't stop us anymore Hank. Burgess and Ruzek can be together, we deserve a chance"  
"Burgess and Ruzek are an exception" Hank argued  
"Please Hank, I want to be with him. I've been loyal to you. my entire life I've chosen you, I've backed you. Please don't make me choose between him and you, because I can guarantee you won't like my decision"  
"Erin, rules are there for a reason" Hank justified  
"Rules are made to be broken Hank. I know you've broken a few in your day" Erin smirked  
Voight gave her a pointed look "This can't happen Erin. I've said no from the start"  
"Then you leave me no choice" Erin said, unclipping her badge and gun for her side, placing them on the table "I quit"_

 _Voigt looked at her shock "You can't be serious. You'd give up your job, for him?"_

 _"I'd give up everything for him Hank. I've put him second in the past, and he didn't deserve that. And after everything that happened with Nadia I promised him and myself that I wouldn't let you come between us anymore. The ball's in your court now hank, whatever decision you make, effects us from here on out" She spoke, never once breaking eye contact with him._

 _Hank let out a deep breath. he could tell by the look in her eye that she was dead serious.  
"He really makes you happy?" He questioned "This isn't just some fling, you really like him?" He asked.  
"I love him Hank. and he loves me" Erin spoke.  
Voight opened his office door and stepped out, Erin following close behind him.  
"Halstead" Voight barked, silently telling Jay to stand up and approach him._

 _Jay stood up and walked over, trying his best to hide his nerves "Yeah Sarge?"_

 _Voight stuck his hand out towards the young man "You take care of her. She's my life. You hurt her, and they won't find you body, I guarantee" He spoke as Jay shook his hand.  
"I'd give my life before I let her get hurt sir" He spoke, and Voight could tell by looking in his eyes, he meant every word._

"Eh, you're alright" She smirked.  
"Hey!" Jay faux pouted. Erin laughed as she leaned in and kissed him "I love you Jay Halstead"  
"I love you too Erin Lindsay" He leaned in and kissed her deeply, the two partners losing themselves in the moment.

"Hey lovebirds! we don't need a show with dinner" Adam Ruzek yelled, effectively breaking the couple apart. The group laughed as Kim Burgess slapped her fiancee's chest 

"Don't be rude Adam, they're in love" She smiled looking at the couple  
"Speaking of love" Adam said looking towards the bar "You think Mouse finally grew a pair and asked Naddie out?" Jay looked at Ruzek, a mischievous glint in his eyes "I may have convinced him it was the right direction to head in" He spoke as everyone chuckled  
"It's about time. I seriously thought they were going to keep doing this whole friends bullshit for the rest of their lives" Antonio commented "I just hope Nadia says yes, I don't think he'll be able to handle it if she does" He chuckled

"She'll say yes" Erin replied confidently "She's just as attracted to him, and she told me on our trip that she was ready to get back in the dating scene"

The group smiled as they looked over at the young, hopefully soon to be, couple. Waiting expectantly to see what would happen

…

"Hey" Nadia said as she approached the bar "Hey Nadia" Mouse replied "What are you having?"  
"just water. I'm not supposed to drink too much, doesn't really bode well with NA" She joked  
"I get you" He smiled, ordering a bottle of water for Nadia, before turning back to her  
"So" He started nervously "I was wondering, if on Saturday Night, you were doing anything?"  
Nadia smiled "Not that I'm aware of. Why?"  
Mouse smiled once more, feeling his confidence grow a little. _What's the worst that could happen?_ He thought "I want to take you out. On a date. With me" he stuttered. _Smooth Mouse, Smooth_

Nadia chuckled as his nervousness. She rested her hand on his shoulder and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. She let out a small giggle as she saw the slight blush that crept up his cheeks.  
"I would love to"  
Mouse looked down at her, his smile brightening even further, and leaned down to kiss her. They both let it escalate, stopping when they heard the cheers from the booth of their friends in the corner. They let out a small laugh and blushed slightly.  
"Sorry" mouth said "It's just, I've been wanting to do that since the first day we met"

Nadia blushed further at his words. "I'm not complaining" She replied leaning up to quickly kiss him once more, before taking his hand and leading him back to the booth.

They settled in the booth, joining in the conversation, making idle conversation until Erin focused the attention onto Nadia.  
"So, you excited to graduate tomorrow?" Erin asked.

They all smiled. Nadia had come so far, and she had been a big influence in Erin's life, anyone could see the close bond between the two girls. "I'm so excited! I can't wait to be able to work at the 21st District, and as more than a desk lady!" She shrieked, clapping her hands together and bouncing slightly in her chair.

Jay chuckled slightly "You should be glad, Platt likes you. My first day, she told me the beauty parlor was down the block"

The group laughed hysterically at his comment  
"Well babe, you do have a pretty boy face" she teased  
"Hey! I'm all man" He defended  
"Whatever you need to believe babe" she joked.  
Jay leaned over and whispered in her ear "I guess I'll have to show you how much of a man I am once we get home"

Erin smiled at the mention of home. their home. Jay, Nadia and Erin had all moved into a new apartment block, closer to the district, but with more space so that Nadia could have her own space as well as Jay and Erin.

"I think home sounds pretty good" She replied.  
"You, me, Nads. Home. It's perfect" he replied kissing her cheek.

Jay and Erin were now cuddled up on the couch at home. Nadia had decided to stay at the bar for a little longer to talk with Mouse. The duo were currently in the middle of watching One Tree Hill.

"I don't understand how you never watched Dawson's Creek, or 90210, or any of those shows" Jay spoke.  
Erin shrugged her shoulders "I never really got into any of them, didn't have a lot of time to watch when I was living with Bunny. When I got to Voight's, he and I sat and watched TV my first night, and One Tree Hill was on. I could tell Voight wasn't all that interested but he stayed up with me and watched anyways. It's been my favourite show since"

Jay smiled "You know, as much as Voight and I disagree on a lot of things, I'll always be thankful to him. The man saved you, and if he hadn't we may not be here, together"  
Erin laughed "You wouldn't be saying that if he hadn't let us be together"  
"True" he chuckled "We're just lucky he can't say no to you"

Erin let out a small giggle at his words. She had never felt so carefree in her life, and she knew it was because she had finally gotten what she wanted. Nadia, Jay, Hank, Intelligence. She finally had the perfect family she had dreamed of back when she was 13 taking care of Teddy, and wondering what drugged-up stupor Bunny was in.

She looked up at the wonderful man beside her. He loved her, by some miracle this man loved her. She could tell, they would spend the rest of their lives together.  
"Marry me" she whispered.  
Jay looked at her, slightly stupefied

"No!" he exclaimed "You can't propose to me! I was gonna propose to yo-"  
He was cut off by Erin's lips on his. He responded involuntarily, cupping her face with one hand and wrapping his other hand around her waist.

They broke away after a few minutes, leaning their foreheads against each other.

Erin took in a deep breath of air before she spoke  
"Ask me then"  
Jay smiled as he stood up and pulled Erin's hand, so she rotated around and was sitting on the couch properly.  
"Wait here" he whispered, kissing her quickly before running into their bedroom.  
He emerged a few minutes later. He had swapped his pyjama bottoms for jeans and had put on his navy button up shirt, Erin's favourite. 

He took her hand as he knelt down in front of her, pulling a box out from his pocket and opening it up. Erin gasped as she saw the simple white gold band, with a diamond in the middle. Simple, yet beautiful, just like she imagined.  
"This was my mother's" Jay spoke as he looked at Erin "She gave it to me before she died, and told me to give it to the woman who would make me laugh, and smile. Who'd be there for me when things got rough, who'd always have my back"

He smirked "I think she knew about you before I did" He laughed.  
"Erin Lindsay, I love you more than life itself. You make me laugh, and smile, and you've always had my back. You make me feel alive. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me"

Erin smiled as she nodded her head vigorously "Yes, Yes! Of course!" she cried as Jay placed the ring on her finger, then scooped her up and spun her around, eliciting the sweetest laugh from his fiancée.

Jay stopped spinning and Erin wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms still securely placed on his shoulders. She kissed him deeply, sliding her tongue in his mouth, letting it glide along his. He gripped her waist firmly, allowing their kiss to escalate. They were broken apart by the door opening and Nadia's loud voice.

"Ahhh! My eyes!" She yelled as she turned around, while Erin and Jay dislodged from their position and stood with their arms wrapped around each other, the biggest smiles on their faces  
"Seriously! We've had this conversation before. No sex anywhere but your bedroom. I don't need to be blinded" Nadia joked as she turned around to face them.

Erin giggled "Sorry, I just can't keep my hands off my sexy fiancée here" Erin said.  
Nadia rolled her eyes "Yeah, yeah we all know you're insatiable and – wait. Did you say fiancée?" Nadia asked.

"Well, considering I just proposed. Yeah" Jay smirked as Nadia's face lit up with a bright smile.

Nadia squealed and ran over to the couple, enveloping them in her arms as much as she could. Jay and Erin smiled as they wrapped their arms around Nadia, savoring their group hug.  
"This is awesome!" Nadia exclaimed "Oooh Erin we've gotta get you your dress, oh you're going to look beautiful! When are you guys getting married? Where? Oh my god did you ask Voight for permission Jay!? If he finds out you proposed without asking he's gonna chop off you-"

"Nads! Breathe" Jay interrupts her ramble "Yes, I asked Voight, and everything else we'll figure only got engaged five minutes ago" he laughed

"Sorry" Nadia said "I'm just..so happy. Now you'll be an even bigger part of our family" she spoke.

"You've always been my family Nadia. Both of you" He spoke enveloping them both in a hug once more "Nothing, and no one will ever change that. I love you both"

"We love you too" Nadia whispered as Erin leaned up and kissed his cheek.

Nadia and Mouse walked up the stairs to her apartment, hand in hand, both talking as they made their way.  
"I had a really nice time tonight" Nadia said  
Mouse smiled as they reached her apartment door "Me too. I'd like to take you out again, if you want" He said

Nadia smiled brightly and nodded her head "I'd like that"

She turned and opened the door to her apartment and started to walk inside when she felt Mouse gently grab her arm to stop her. She looked at him questioningly.  
"Something wrong?" she asked.

Mouse smirked as he took a step closer to her, their chest touching "Well, I was hoping to give you a goodnight kiss if that's ok"  
Nadia let out a soft laugh and wrapped her arms around his neck as Mouse wrapped his arms around her waist, both leaning in until their lips met.

The kiss was gentle, slow, both savouring the feeling of being in each other's arms. Nadia pulled back after a few minutes, letting her forehead rest against Mouse's.  
"Wow" She whispered. Mouse chuckled softly and kissed her forehead, reluctantly moving his hands from around their position around her waist.

"Goodnight" he smiled.

Nadia took a deep breath and smiled "Night" she whispered before walking into her apartment and closing the door behind her. She leaned against the door, sliding to the floor. She didn't want him to go. She had never felt like this before, she had never wanted to be with someone as much as she had wanted to be with him. 

"Oh boy am I in trouble" she whispered

"And why would that be?" Erin said, surprising Nadia by her presence.

Jay stood behind her, smirking at the obviously flustered young girl.

"How much of that did you hear?" Nadia asked, blushing already knowing the answer. Jay chuckled as he dramatically grabbed Erin's arm  
"Well, I was hoping to give you a goodnight kiss if that's ok" he spoke mimicking Mouse's voice. Erin let out a small giggle as she slapped his chest.  
"Leave her be Halstead" she pretended to scold him, though the smile was still evident on her face.

Nadia stood up and walked into her room  
"I'm going to bed before you two can tease me further" she grumbled as she closed her door.

Jay just chuckled as she walked into her room "You know you love us kid"  
"It's debatable!" He heard her yell through the door.

Erin chuckled at the two "She really is falling for him" she spoke as she wrapped her arms around her fiancée's waist and leaned her head against his chest. She let out a yawn as Jay spoke

"Mouse is a good guy" He whispered kissing the top of her head  
Erin nodded in agreement "Come on, let's go to bed" She whispered pulling away from him and walking towards the room.

Jay smiled as he walked after her. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. To have both Erin and Nadia in his lives, and to be able to call them both his family. He still couldn't believe how close they had come to losing Nadia forever.  
"God I love our little family" He whispered to himself as he followed Erin into their bedroom.

 **A/N: OK! So, It took a while but – one month, 7 word document pages and 3738 words later - I finally got a second chapter up! I figured since it was my birthday on Friday I would post a chapter as a gift to you all :)**

 **I'm amazed by the amount of people who reviewed and PM'd me asking for a second and third chapter, thank you!**

 **The next chapter will be the end and will have a time jump, showing Nadia, Mouse, Erin and Jay in the future.**

 **Let me know if there's anything you'd like to see in the next chapter and please review!**

 **Maddie :)**


	3. The End

**A/N: Wow. I actually cannot believe I am FINALLY finishing this! I know it's been forever I'm sorry but I kind of forgot about this story, but the recent Linstead developments made me wish Mouse or Nadia were there to help them both out and work together. And there in came the inspiration haha**

 **Anyways hope you guys like the final chapter of "If Only".**

 **(Also I altered the age of Nadia to 26 at the time Yates kidnapped her, because some readers mentioned that it was a little odd for a 19 year old to be dating an almost 30 year old.)**

 **Also my linebreak stopped working so there's just - in replacement haha**

 **Enjoy!**

 _June 12th, 2018_

Nadia stood nervously running her hands over the lace-silk material combination as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She couldn't believe that this was happening, that she was getting her fairytale ending.

"Hey." Erin smiled poking her head through the door "you almost ready?"

Nadia nodded turning to her friend nervously "Everything's going to go well, right?"

Erin walked over to Nadia, taking the 29 year-olds hands in her own and squeezing gently "Hun, it's going to go perfectly. No one deserves this more than you."

"Can you believe we're really here? This life, it seems unbelievable." Nadia said in awe.

Erin couldn't help but chuckle in agreement; it had been an eventful three years. Mouse and Nadia had fallen hard and fast, and by the time Erin and Jay's wedding came around a year after Jay's proposal, Mouse and Nadia had moved in together.

Nadia had finished her training with the Academy graduating at the top of all her classes, the perks of living with two detectives during her exams, and had originally started out as a rookie in the 21st district working under her favourite Sergeant, Trudy Platt. And although she was her boss, Thursday afternoon visits to the 'fat box' were still a tradition the two cops shared.

Six months in her rookie position and Nadia sat for her detectives exam, and was offered a position in both Intelligence and the Narcotics unit. Although she wanted to work with those she considered her family, they had understood her decision to work in Narcotics - wanting to try and prevent her history becoming someone else's future.

She and Greg had their ups and downs, but they had fought through it all. And on the night of their two-year anniversary, he had proposed.

"Hey, Nads. You with me?" Erin asked clicking her fingers in front of the zoned out woman's face.

Nadia blinked a few times, shaking her head and refocusing on her best friend "yeah sorry, just reminiscing."

"Well as sweet as that is, we should probably get this show on the road before I make a show of my own." Erin joked rubbing her pregnant belly.

Nadia smiled and placed her hand over Erin's atop her unborn child "Hey, if my niece wants to come she's going to come regardless of the fact it's my wedding day. She's a Lindsay-Halstead kid, she's stubborn as all hell and set in her ways just like her damn parents." She giggled.

"True, but either way we should get a move on. Your ceremony starts in two minutes."

"Erin wait..." Nadia said softly, her voice concerning Erin.

"What's wrong?" She said panicked "Is this not what you want? Because if it's not we can jump out the window right now and I'll take you wherever you want. I mean it might be a bit difficult for me to get out a second-floor window, but -"

"Erin!" Nadia cut in with a laugh "I'm not having second thoughts. I've never doubted marrying Greg, not for one moment."

Erin scrunched her nose "it always sounds weird when you call him Greg. I'm so used to his name being Mouse...Wait if that's not what you want to talk about then what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just ... thank you." Nadia replied.

Erin frowned "for what?"

"You saved my life. And I don't just mean Yates. If the team hadn't arrested me that day, if you hadn't have fought so hard for me, encouraged me to believe in myself and help me get into rehab ... I wouldn't be alive. So thank you, for being my friend, and my sister. For giving me this life."

Tears pricked Erin's eyes " I just showed you the path Nadia. Everything that you've done since, that's all you babe. You fought, your persisted, and I'm so proud of Ye woman you've become today."

The two hugged, as best they could with Erin's pregnant belly in between them, both wishing the moment could last forever.

"Hey!" Jay said bursting through the door "you're three minutes late and Mouse is freaking the fuck out. Everything okay?"

Erin pulled away quickly and grabbed Nadia's hand pulling her towards the door "shit, we've gotta go!"

Nadia grabbed her bouquet as Erin dragged her along, and quickly got into position behind the bridal party. Erin looked behind and winked at her mouthing a 'see you out there' before she and Jay walked down the aisle.

"Okay, Maid of Honor and Best Man are through. You ready?" Kelly, the wedding planner, asked.

Nadia looked to her right, a sad smile on her lips. It was moments like these she missed her father. It had been a year and a half since his passing and while she had coped with his loss, there were always times when she missed his presence.

"Hey, you need some help back here?" Voight asked looping his arm through Nadia's.

"What are you doing?" She asked surprised.

"I was hoping you would let me walk you down." Voight said "I know your father was supposed to, and if he was here I know he would. But I hope he would be okay with me filling his shoes, because I've grown to think of you as another daughter over these years. And I would be very proud to give you away as well."

Nadia felt herself tear up at Hank's gesture "I would be honoured if you'd walk me Hank."

Hank smiled and looped his arm through Nadia's and began walking her.

* * *

"Alright, everyone settle down please!" Jay said through the microphone as he and Erin stood in the centre of the dance floor.

The guests all turned to face the two detectives as everyone quieted down.

"It gives me great honour to introduce, for the first time anywhere, Mr and Mrs Greg Gerwitz!"

Everyone cheered and hollered as Nadia and Mouse walked through the entrance and onto the dance floor hand in hand, Mouse spinning Nadia around as they reached Erin and Jay.

"And now for their first dance, to the song they actually first danced to _ever_." Erin said as Gavin DeGraw's 'More than Anyone' started to play through the speakers.

Nadia smiled as she looped her arms over Mouse's shoulders entwining her hands behind his neck, Mouse wrapping his arms around her waist as they both swayed gently to the music.

"Do you remember the first time we danced to this song?" Nadia asked softly.

"Like it was yesterday." Greg smiled

 _They swayed together on the make-shift dancefloor of Molly's bar, having just celebrated their six-month anniversary. At first, Mouse had been confused by the idea of a six-month anniversary celebration. But after everything Nadia had been through, she wanted to celebrate all the little moments in life, and Mouse had immediately jumped on board with the idea._

 _Nadia smiled into the crook of his neck. It had been a perfect night; Mouse had taken her to dinner at her favourite restaurant, followed by a walk by the water and finishing off with a round of celebratory drinks with their work family._

" _You ready to go home?" Mouse asked. It was approaching 1 am, and they had been dancing like this for a good 45 minutes now._

 _Nadia shook her head "I want to stay like this forever."_

"And now we're here." He whispered "Mr and Mrs Gerwitz. Forever"

Nadia scrunched her nose at his words "Are we sure we're sticking with Gerwitz? Greg Decotis sounds so much better."

Mouse shook his head "Hey, you had your chance to say something before the wedding. You're stuck with me and my funny last name for life now."

Nadia leaned up and placed a peck on his lips "That's not too bad a deal to be stuck with." She giggled as Mouse brightly smiled.

"I love you, my beautiful amazing wife." He said.

Nadia smiled brightly, the same smile she had every time he said those words. "I love you too, husband." She spoke soft connecting her lips with his once more.

"You two seriously need to get a room." They both pull apart unexpectedly at the sounds of Jay's voice, he and Erin dancing beside the couple.

Nadia poked her tongue out at her friends "You're just jealous you're not getting any with preggers over there."

"Hey!" Erin exclaimed reaching over to slap Nadia's arm "I'm never going to girls' night again."

* * *

Everyone was now seated at their tables, having just finished the final course of dinner and enjoying casual conversation with those that were seated beside them.

The sound of a class clinking brought everyone's focus to the dancefloor where Erin and Jay stood once more.

"Good evening everyone, we hope you're all enjoying the night so far." Erin said smiling at the guests "And now, it's time for everyone's favourite part of the night, the speeches!"

Their guests all chuckled as Erin handed her husband the microphone and stood to the side.

"So, I've known Mouse – Greg." He corrected looking over at Nadia "For a long time. He's been by my side through some of the worst times in my life. I can honestly say that without him, I wouldn't be the man I am today. He saved my life."

Nadia heard a soft sniffle come from beside her and lay her head on her husband's shoulder, giving his arm a tight squeeze.

"Mouse, I'm so proud of you. You've accomplished so much since I first met you, that scrawny little tech-nerd that kept stealing the cookies from my mother's care packages." The guests all laughed at the memory Jay recalled "You're more than just my friend Mouse, you're my brother. And Nadia, I've loved watching you grow and become the strong, beautiful woman you are now. There are no two people who deserve a happily ever after more than you two. I'm so happy you found each other. I love you both and I hope your marriage is as full of love and laughter, and endless bliss as mine has been. Congratulations."

The guests all clapped, and Mouse locked eyes with Jay, the two exchanging their own unspoken words of gratitude and love to one another. Jay passed the microphone over to Erin, who was trying to keep her tears at bay after hearing her husband's speech, knowing that if her waterworks started, they wouldn't stop for the rest of the night.

"So, I'm not really the best at speeches." Erin said nervously "But I am however, _really_ good at storytelling."

Nadia groaned and Mouse laughed at their friends words, knowing the outcome could be deadly "Now Nads, don't worry. There will be no embarrassing stories about your drunken night getting Mouse's name tattooed above your ass-"

"ERIN!" She shrieked as the guests all laughed, Nadia turned to glare at her husband who was laughing the hardest out of everyone.

Erin smiled cheekily "No, this story is much better. You see, Jay and I made a bet a long time ago, about 3 years ago back when Nadia Decotis had her first date with one Greg Gerwitz." Erin explained "See, Jay and I both knew from that moment that Nadia was in love, this was the one that would consume and complete her."

…

 _"Goodnight" he smiled._

 _Nadia took a deep breath and smiled "Night" she whispered before walking into her apartment and closing the door behind her. She leaned against the door, sliding to the floor. She didn't want him to go. She had never felt like this before, she had never wanted to be with someone as much as she had wanted to be with him._

 _"Oh boy am I in trouble" she whispered_

 _"And why would that be?" Erin said, surprising Nadia by her presence._

 _Jay stood behind her, smirking at the obviously flustered young girl._

 _"How much of that did you hear?" Nadia asked, blushing already knowing the answer. Jay chuckled as he dramatically grabbed Erin's arm_

 _"Well, I was hoping to give you a goodnight kiss if that's ok" he spoke mimicking Mouse's voice. Erin let out a small giggle as she slapped his chest._

 _"Leave her be Halstead" she pretended to scold him, though the smile was still evident on her face._

 _Nadia stood up and walked into her room_

 _"I'm going to bed before you two can tease me further" she grumbled as she closed her door._

 _Jay just chuckled as she walked into her room "You know you love us kid"_

 _"It's debatable!" He heard her yell through the door._

 _Erin chuckled at the two "She really is falling for him" she spoke as she wrapped her arms around her fiancée's waist and leaned her head against his chest. She let out a yawn as Jay spoke_

 _"Mouse is a good guy" He whispered kissing the top of her head_

 _Erin nodded in agreement "Come on, let's go to bed" She whispered pulling away from him and walking towards the room._

 _Jay smiled as he walked after her. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. To have both Erin and Nadia in his lives, and to be able to call them both his family. He still couldn't believe how close they had come to losing Nadia forever._

 _"God I love our little family" He whispered to himself as he followed Erin into their bedroom._

…

 _Erin sat on their bed as she finishing massaging the moisturizer onto her legs as Jay came out of the bathroom and got into bed as well. He extended his arm out and Erin cuddled into his side and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, tracing his fingers up and down the length of her arm as she listened to the soft beating of his heart from where her head lay on his chest._

" _I think Nadia had a good time tonight." Erin whispered suddenly._

" _I'd say so." Jay agreed, wondering where Erin was taking the conversation._

" _She's going to marry that boy." She said suddenly and Jay looked down at her shocked._

" _What? You can tell that from their first date?" Jay asked incredulously._

 _Erin frowned at him "You didn't get that feeling with me?"_

" _Of course I did." Jay replied "But we'd been partners for a long time before we started dating. I knew exactly who you were."_

" _I'm telling you Jay, they're getting married. Watch, a year from now they'll be headed down the alter."_

 _Jay laughed softly "I'm not saying I agree with you, but if they do it'll be more like two or three years down the track. Mouse is an over-thinker. It'll take him six months just to work up the courage to ask her father's permission, and another eight before he can manage to ask her the damn question."_

 _Erin lifted her head off his chest, sticking her hand out in front of him "I bet you 5 days driving privileges at work that they get married in a year."_

 _Jay's hand reached out to shake hers "What have I got to lose?" he chuckled "You're on Lindsay."_

…

"And though I may not have gotten the timeline right, I would like to say for the record that I, Erin Lindsay, predicted the future." She said with a chuckle.

Nadia shook her head at her friend's memory "But in all seriousness, Nadia is my best friend. And she's my family. And after everything we've been through together, I'm so happy she found someone as wonderful as Mouse. To think that we almost lost her …" Erin pauses for a moment, and Jay steps forward to wrap his arm around her as she begins to cry.

"Sorry, damn hormones." She says trying to brush off the sudden serious mood "Anyways, I'm so grateful to have you in my life Nadia, and I'm _so_ happy that you get to be here, alive, to see it all. To live your life with Greg, and be an amazing police officer and godmother to my little one. I love you so much, thank you for everything you've done for me. No one deserves this life more than you."

Nadia got up from the bridal table and rushed over to an almost hysterical Erin, wrapping her pregnant friend in her arms as best she could and whispering 'thank you' to her as she held her tight.

* * *

 _January, 2021_

"Guys come on! We're going to be late!" Nadia yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

She and Mouse had moved out of their shared apartment with Erin and Jay six months after their wedding. As a wedding gift, the Intelligence unit had given them 50% of the down payment on a house that the newlyweds had been looking at, but knew was out of their price range. Within the first four months of their marriage they had been able to save, and loan, the rest of the funds and move into their new home.

"I'm here mama!" Three-year-old Jackson yelled as he raced down the stairs.

Jackson had been their biggest surprise of all. Two years ago, Nadia and her fellow Narcotics teammates had taken down a major drug cartel operating through New York and Chicago. One-year-old Jackson had been found in the basement of the building they raided, and after the shootout rendered his drug-dealer father deceased and finding out his mother had overdosed six months before, Nadia had brought him home that night.

It was supposed to be a month-long thing, while Family services found relatives or a foster home to take the young boy and the Narcotics team wrapped up the case and ensured the young boy would be safe. But Mouse and Nadia fell in love with the little man over that duration, and decided to foster him themselves. Six months later, on the eve of his fourth birthday they decided to take the necessary steps to adopt Jackson, wanting to give him a forever home with them.

"Greg!" Nadia yelled again "We're supposed to be there in 10 minutes!"

"Keep your head on woman, I'm coming." Mouse chuckled as he came down the stairs "Sorry babe, I couldn't find my laptop. Seems _someone_ hid it under their bed again."

Jackson giggled as his father tickled his ribs "Sorry daddy."

Nadia smiled at the sweet moment between her husband and son, take a second to cherish the moment before going straight back into busy mode.

"Okay we gotta go, we're going to be late otherwise!" Nadia said quickly grabbing Jackson's school bag along with her gun and badge from the safe while Mouse picked up Jackson and got him into the car.

* * *

"Alright baby, you ready to go?" Nadia asked as she knelt down and placed Jackson's backpack on his shoulders.

"Yeah mama let's go!" Jackson cheered pulling on his mother's hand

"You remember what your dad and I told you? You be polite to your teachers and the other kids, and don't go home with anyone. Either daddy or I will pick you up, or you aunt and uncle. Don't let anyone else take you out of the school at pick up time okay? Not even if they give you candy or-"

"Babe." Mouse said softly, hearing the panic rise in Nadia's voice "he's going to be okay. We went through this all with the teacher as well. He knows, the school knows. It's going to be okay."

"Daddy can we go yet?" Jackson groaned.

"We got to wait for Maddie bud, unless you want to leave her behind?" Mouse asked.

Jackson's eyes widened "No we can stay daddy! We can't leave Maddie!"

"We can't?" Mouse said, feigning confusion.

"Of course not Daddy, she's my best friend. You can't leave your best friend behind. Duh!" He said to his dad.

"Oh, okay. Thanks for letting me know bud." Mouse said with a chuckle.

"Jackson, didn't we agree your daddy wasn't allowed to dress you anymore." The family of three turned their heads to see Erin standing behind them, hands on her hips in disapproval at Mouse and Jackson's matching outfits.

"We were running behind schedule today." Nadia said wiping her eyes and standing up to hug her friend, careful not to squash the two month old baby curled up against Erin's chest.

"You doing okay?" Erin asked concerned.

Nadia nodded her head. There were rare moments when the trauma from her experience with Yates would spring to her mind, and with Jackson starting preschool, the threat of 'stranger danger' had cause Nadia to have serious anxiety issues.

She had still been seeing her trauma therapist when necessary, and she had worked past her fear of Jackson starting school, but she would be lying if she said there wasn't still a small part of her that feared what could happen to her baby boy.

"Aunt Erin!" Jackson's voice broke her from her thoughts "Where's Maddie? We're supposed to go inside together!" Jackson exclaimed.

"She's coming buddy, we had a bit of a shoelace emergency in the car. Uncle Jay's bringing her."

As if on cue, four year old Maddie Halstead came running through the gates of Chicago North Preschool, her dad rushing in after her.

"Jackie!" Maddie yelled in excitement as she hugged her best friend.

"They're too cute," Erin whispered to Nadia as they watched the two children exchange conversation animatedly.

"I'm glad Maddie and Jack are starting together, it makes me feel better knowing he'll have someone with him."

"He's going to be fine Nads." Erin said squeezing her friend's hand.

"He's going to be fine." She repeated to herself, looking up at her husband for reassurance. Mouse smiled softly and leaned down to kiss her forehand, instantly relaxing her.

She turned back to her son and goddaughter and smiled brightly "alright, let's get you two inside! Preschool waits for no one!"

* * *

"You doing okay baby?" Mouse asked as he entered the break room.

Nadia had moved back to Intelligence a few months after she and Mouse adopted Jackson, needing more flexible work hours and an understanding team. She loved working in Narcotics, but her team were all young guys who didn't enjoy having a kid running around their offices when Nadia and Mouse couldn't find a sitter.

When Hank and Olinsky retired, leaving Antonio in charge of Intelligence, he had offered Nadia a position in the unit to work under Antonio's leadership, and be able to have a more child-friendly environment surrounded by supportive friends and family. She had instantly jumped at the opportunity to work with her family again.

Nadia nodded and gave a small smile as she stirred her coffee "Im not used to this. Normally when we go to work I know Jack's safe with Maddie and Hank's watching them. This is different."

"I know." Mouse nodded understandingly "But it'll get better with time. This will be good, for all three of us."

"You're right." Nadia said kissing her husband's cheek.

"I know I am." Mouse replied cockily "what would you do without me?"

"I hope I don't ever have to find out." Nadia said seriously "I don't know what I would do without you Mouse. Sometimes, I think about what could've been and, I just can't imagine not having this life with you. I can't imagine that I was so close to losing our future together …"

"Hey, don't talk like that." Mouse said softly reaching up to wipe her tears "You don't ever have to worry about losing me,our family, or our future together. Never."

"I know. I'm sorry, it's the damn hormones." Nadia chuckled softly and Mouse reached his hand down to lay on her still flat stomach.

They had found out a few weeks before that they would be welcoming another child into their family, but were waiting a little longer before telling their colleagues.

"I love you Greg Gerwitz. I love our life, so damn much." Nadia mumbled against his shoulder as he held her tightly.

"I love you too Nadia Gerwitz. Always."

Nadia stood in her husband's arms, relishing the moment before they would inevitably be disturbed. She couldn't believe this was her life, after everything she had done. All the times she had hurt other people, hurt herself. All the times she had given up.

She was grateful she had found this family to help pull her out of it all, a woman who saw the good inside of her, who saw someone worth saving.

She felt so fortunate to find a man who loved her as much as Greg did. To have a beautiful son, and another baby on their way.

Life was perfect. And she would never let herself forget just how lucky she was that she was alive to see it all.

 **A/N: okay, so the ending feels a little bit cheesy haha but I wanted to really emphasise how much Nadia would've cherished her life with Greg and the unit.**

 **Please leave a review and let me know what you think, if anyone is still reading this lol**

 **I can't believe it's been three years since I posted the previous chapter!? If anyone is still out there reading this, I am SO SORRY for making you wait so long!**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the final chapter of 'If Only'!**

 **Maddie :)**


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